Welcome to my latest venture. I have loved books all my life, and at last i have taken the plunge and written one – the first of many I hope. Please join me and share my life and my experience through the printed page. See me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/alanchattingauthor/ or on Amazon at http://amazon.com/author/alanchatting.
Raised by a Narcissist
Are you the child of a narcissist?
You are likely to be an over-achiever and over-worker, and underneath you might be covering up a sense of inadequacy or of feeling like an imposter. You may well find it hard to speak up in meetings. A boss or colleague may bully you.
You may have a controlling partner, or a needy partner you has to care for. You try hard to please all the time, and feel that you can never get things right. You are quite shy and find it hard to connect with others; you worry about “upsetting people.”
You may have a bad back, or stiff, painful hips or knees. You may have a stomach or bowel disorder which gets worse when you are anxious. You may well comfort yourself with food or alcohol, or may like to lose yourself in TV or books.
Narcissistic parenting is very damaging and insidious. The parenting is always about the parent and never about the child, never about you. You learn to function, but with many defences, and often hyper-alert to criticism. This prevents you from living a relaxed joyful life.
You become super competent, always able to cope and to please others. In your relationships, this makes you a constant people pleaser, very co-dependent, or else super independent or counter-dependent.
My message to you is that you were always okay. It was always about them. You could never please them so you always felt wrong. Your task is to learn to understand, to learn to protect yourself, and to move into freedom and joy.
This book is all about narcissistic parenting – yours, mine and other people’s. Use it to learn about it, work on your recovery and move on to live a full and happy life.
Alan Chatting has been involved in teaching, learning and personal development for 40 years. He is a teacher, trainer, psychotherapist, mediator and coach.
Excellent, descriptive and resolute.
As a child of a narcissist mother, I resonated with a lot of what Alan has written about the experience.
Even to the point of not realising that my mother was a narcissist until I was in my late sixties. Then everything that I thought, did and my behaviour began to make sense. Especially a lifetime of depression and never feeling good enough. I was the scapegoat. My brother describes it as “Pat (me) was Mums kicking board, and Dad, her knitting wool holder.”
I recommend this book strongly to readers and anyone who begins to suspect that their parent was a narcissist. In the world of self discovery, we are often told that we create our own lives. It is refreshing and a relief to read that there are exceptions. But even more so that you can change your story.
A much needed book (for so many) and so timely too.
Understanding the crucial impact that a narcissist parent can have, is absolutely key to healing and repairing the past. Narcissism is an issue that weaves in and out of all of our lives-one way or another. When people read about it, it’s like all the dots suddenly join up, and make sense.
l am ACON (Adult Child of a Narcissist) who took the distance solution as the only way to protect my marriage and family unit. For years I puzzled over my mother’s behaviour and finally decided that, for whatever reason, I just would never satisfy and there eventually lay the path to freedom and a tolerable relationship. We became adept at waiting for the “sting in the tail”, and amused ourselves by grading it on “hurtability”.
Alans book has been a joy to read, highlighting many things it took me years to figure out – and some I didn’t; the flying monkeys, gaslighting and other manipulative behaviours. So helpful to see in black and white and finally lay old doubts to rest. Finally I have proof – It wasn’t me!
I advise anyone who has grown up feeling puzzled and hurt endlessly trying to please a parent you love to read this lovely little book. Thank you Alan.
Maybe you feel that life could hold more for you if only you knew what that was. Perhaps anxiety or low self-esteem is holding you back. Maybe you wonder what you can do to make the world a happier place and be happier in it.
This book is about raising your consciousness and exploring growth in yourself and in those around you. It has ideas, information, plans and hacks to make life easier and happier for you. If you have a nagging feeling that there is “more to life than this”, and you know that something in your life needs to change yet you don’t know how, then this book is for you.
This book will take you on a journey to make your own fate. There is no destination, but the journey is thrilling and fulfilling. I’ve been on the road for the last 30 years. Now I’m inviting you to join me for the ride!
You can buy this book here.
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